Ab crack, thigh gap, elbow egg? Elbow what?
Yes, this is a diet blog. It’s about trying to lose weight and finding a shape you're comfortable with. But comfortable is the operative word here. What is it with this torrent of unattainable body trends? And what the heck is an elbow egg?
The Victorians started it with the wasp waist. That's the extreme hourglass figure that still dominates media ideals of the female body. It was achieved by a corset so tight that women fainted at the mere sight of a man in breeches and a linen blouse wandering around in a lake. And it made a good job of mangling your internal organs at the same time too.
Next we had the ankle flash. That was the daring glimpse of stocking that set pulses racing if a skirt ever rose further than two inches from the floor. And we all know what the Victorians did to piano legs. Allegedly. Well there was no Specsavers back then so it was an easy mistake to make.
It’s easy to laugh at the Victorians, they can’t laugh back. But if they could see what Instagram is obsessed with in 2017 I'm sure it would raise a smirk.
A couple of years ago along came Cara Delevingne and Millie Mackintosh with their thigh gaps; a look that glamorized bandy legs. And last year we had the ab crack. That one’s just a deep crease down the front of one’s tummy where some tummy would normally be. Emily Ratajkowski provided the ab crack shot that all the internet used for that one.
'How do you get yours?' the sites asked. I don’t think a pint of Stella has much to do with it. It's not even something that people can achieve by reducing what they eat. Unless you make your living in just your undies then you're never going to have the motivation to put in the exercise that an ab crack demands.
Take a look at Yola for the Win - one of the #abcrack crowd (before that hashtag was banned on instagram). She seems to exercise so much that she never even gets a chance to change out of her gym kit. And 'British model Jourdan Dunn works hard to keep her abs in shape' I've learned from a popular newspaper. I'm sure she does.
So which bit of body are these golden beanpoles going to obsess about next, I wonder? According to Russian born, and self-confessed 'fitness bear', Ivana Wekmefatov, it's a couple of inches on the outer side of your elbow; a well defined bump that’s formed when you bend your lightly tanned arm while taking a selfie on the beach with your favourite Walden filter. The elbow egg.
Is that a thing now?
I'm still working on my muffin top.